Rituals Matter

As my family prepared our Thanksgiving dinner last week, then began decorating for the Christmas season, I thought about the rituals that surround us in life. They are everywhere. Rituals are regular practices that connect us and identify us. They tell us who we are, be it in our family, our faith, our community or our country. Whether it’s a wedding, a funeral, a church service, a holiday parade or a political pep rally, rituals give us common ground. Whether they happen weekly, monthly, annually or on specific special occasions (such as weddings or funerals) rituals give our lives a measure of predictability and structure that we all need. Rituals are not necessary for life, but they are so much a part of us that, if they don't happen as we're accustomed to, something feels off. Think of the first holiday after a loved one passed and they were conspicuously missing. We often say, “It’s just not the same without them here.” Rituals are the routines that give life meaning.

Couples have rituals too: weddings, for example, declare a couple’s exclusive bond. An anniversary acknowledges that connection each year and, if you miss it, or forget it (or ignore it), something will probably be off. That can even be a sign of trouble.

Couples have other, less formal but equally meaningful rituals as well. Sharing a cup of coffee and talking quietly together before starting your day can be a ritual that grounds you, connects you and leaves you “not quite right” on the days that you don’t do it. A quick prayer together with my wife before she heads into the hospital to start her day as a nurse is a simple but special ritual that feels just ours.

What rituals do you and your partner share? John Gottman calls them “rituals of connection.” You probably have more than you think. Another very traditional annual couples ritual is coming up soon. It’s Valentine’s Day. Although Valentine’s Day has become very commercial (it’s the second largest card giving holiday behind Christmas) most couples acknowledge their love in at least some way every February 14. And if they don’t, that probably sends a message too.

Even if that Valentine’s Day means little to you, your relationship is priceless. Why not create a new ritual of connection this February 14? Candy gets stale. Cards only say so much. Flowers last maybe a week and die. How about something that will last long after the holiday?

How about a Hold Me Tight®️ couples weekend retreat? How about two days with your partner and other couples in a safe, low key setting that can totally retool your relationship? Hold Me Tight®️ has a stellar track record teaching couples the secrets that great couples know. Hold Me Tight®️ is based on groundbreaking attachment science and the tenets of Emotionally Focused Therapy, a proven method that has helped countless couples the world over. But, Hold Me Tight®️ is not therapy. It’s a safe learning experience where couples go at their own pace and make the progress they are ready and willing to make. In just two days, you can learn to interrupt endless conflict cycles and create a safer connection that can last a lifetime.

If you and your partner are struggling, Hold Me Tight®️ can help. And if you are doing well, Hold Me Tight®️ can take you from good to great. My colleague, Vicki Kennedy and I have been leading Hold Me Tight®️ workshops since 2018. We do at least four a year and our next one will actually be ON Valentine’s Day weekend, 2026, in Orlando. It’s only three months away and the time to get in on it is NOW. See all the details and sign up today at www.hmtcouplesworkshops.com.